The Naughty List
by SanjiBlackLegs
Summary: A short little drabble of when Luffy and the crew go to the South Pole and meet Santa. Zoro and Sanji split off and find an amusing surprise. Slight yaoi, so don't like, don't read. [Zoro/Sanji pairing] Rated T because the mild beginning of a fight and swearing are making me paranoid.


Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.

A/N: This was actually for an English assignment. I even included the swear words because I'm naughty.

* * *

Sanji sighed. Sometimes he wondered what had even made him join Luffy's pirate crew. Sure, they'd attacked fishmen, weird people with Devil Fruit powers, and even dinosaurs, but this was ridiculous. Santa? They had stopped the ship at the South Pole, land of the ice, for this?

"Hurry up ero cook," Zoro growled and Sanji glared at the back of the green-haired swordsman's head. They called each other names to tick each other off all the time, but that didn't mean he had to never refer to him by his name!

"I'm coming, geez!" he lit a cigarette, only for it to be blown out again by the strong winds, "But Santa's Workshop better actually be heated. Why are we doing this, again…?" It had been a rhetorical question, but of course, Luffy only thought about food and whatever his rubber head was filled with. He would cook delicious meals for them, only for Luffy to eat everything in the storage room.

"BECAUSE IT'S SANTA!" Luffy screamed before laughing hysterically.

"Did you know that I actually met Santa and gave him the idea to go around in a sleigh-?" Encouraged by his leader's enthusiasm, Usopp started bragging before Nami smacked him in the back of the head.

"Shut up Usopp!" She glared at the compulsive liar.

"Well put, Nami-swan.," Sanji cooed before adding, "Santa doesn't exist," He continued trudging through the cold snow after his nakama, thoroughly annoyed by their antics. He would readily give his life for any of them, but they got on his nerves all the time, especially Zoro, even though he was definitely his best nakama. This was an average day for everyone…just colder by a lot. The snow was settling annoyingly on his hair and he shook his head back and forth, his hair settling back over his left eye.

"Here here shit-cook," Zoro agreed, only aggravating him further.

"SHUT UP YOU SHITTY MORIMO!" he yelled at him. Jeez, that guy annoyed the heck out of him sometimes. Aiming a kick at the swordsman, he wasn't surprised as the other man drew his three swords with a sparkle in his eye. Fighting with him was fun, good practice, and might actually distract him from the boring landscape.

"Stop fighting you two," Luffy ordered before screaming, "LOOK AT THAT OVER THEEEERE!"

Sanji rolled his eyes at his captain, but lowered his leg as Zoro sheathed his swords. Well, if there was anything dangerous out here, it surely knew they were there by now. He looked through the snow, and instead saw a cozy looking house with a huge workshop built off of the side.

"That can't be…" Zoo stared as a man in a red suit with a white shirt and a thick russet coat emerged.

"Welcome and come in. I'm Santa Claus," the man greeted him.

"Wow, I thought Santa was supposed to be really fat or something," Luffy tilted his head in confusion.

Zoro face-palmed with a growl and Sanji groaned. They both agreed that Luffy was definitely out of hand at times. His idiot of a captain was really going to get himself killed someday. Instead, the man laughed a deep laughter that seemed like it shouldn't come from so slight a man.

"Legends aren't always reality," he laughed, leading them inside. As he began speaking and showing them his home and the attached workshop, Sanji was getting bored again. It was nice and warm inside, but if all Luffy was going to do was take a tour of some dude's house, he would rather head back to their ship. From the corner of his eye, he noticed Zoro was sneaking away quietly.

"Where are you going?" he whispered. If Zoro was leaving, he could certainly use that as an excuse to leave too.

"None of your business, dart-brow," the green-haired man scowled back, turning and moving out of sight of the others. Annoyed by his nakama's behavior, Sanji sighed and followed him. Really, what else was there to do? And he'd better follow and make sure Zoro didn't get into a fight with some innocent reindeer or something.

"Seriously, do you even know where you going?" Sanji questioned him. The stupid swordsmen could barely tell left from right. He had once headed up, believing that was where North was.

"Of course I do," the other man replied sourly, "we're going wherever Santa's list is and take our names off the naughty list. And then I'm looking for something to drink."

"I'm pretty sure getting drunk in Santa's house is a pretty good way to ensure that you'll stay on the naughty list," Sanji couldn't help teasing him. Zoro always did love his wine and would then fall asleep through everything. Literally. A large chunk of cement hit him in the head before he woke up. He's found Zoro sneaking into the ship's storage room more than once.

"Same as smoking," Zoro raised an eyebrow as Sanji, now remembering that it was warm and windless enough that he could light a cigarette.

"Yeah, whatever shitty-swordsmen," he rolled his eyes and continued walking, "I'm still going to be leading."

They walked in silence for a while, exploring the workshop and managing to stay out of the way of the elves for a while. One particularly beautiful female elf walked by, and Sanji couldn't help a thrilled squeal.

"My mellorine!" he cooed and headed towards her abruptly.

"Hey! Prince of Dumb-Ass Kingdom, get back here!" he felt the collar of his coat yanked back as Zoro cautioned him to be quiet. The she-elf looked around questioningly before continuing on to do work.

"Do you never react to a pretty lady?" he snorted at Zoro.

"Not like that and especially not when we're trying to remain hidden!" the other man hissed back. He had to admit that made sense, but he wasn't about to admit it. Really, the swordsman didn't pay attention even to Nami. It was fun acting silly sometimes. They continued on, before finding a room that was the only one with the door shut.

"Well, it's locked and that's that," Zoro muttered, having tried the door and finding it locked.

"No it's not," Sanji lifted one of his long legs and kicked the door down with ease.

"You idiot!" Zoro smacked him on the head.

"Ow!" That hurt! "What the hell was that for?" Sanji snapped.

"It wasn't exactly subtle, now was it?" the green-haired man rolled his eyes.

""And you're about as subtle as a sledgehammer," he retorted, before entering the room. Zoro ignored him and started looking up their names while Sanji sat down and crossed his legs, watching his nakama. Now that they had found it, he was bored agin. He busied himself by watching Zoro as he searched.

"WHAT?" the swordsman's eyes bulged as he stared at the list that included the Straw-hat Pirates.

"What?" Sanji drawled.

"We're both on the naughty list," he replied, but his eyes were crinkling with amusement.

"Well, duh," Sanji rolled his eyes again. Hadn't Zoro said that much earlier? "We're pirates whodo whatever the heck we want. And you're probably on it because you're a hot-," he started before Zoro shook his head.

"No, this was determined when we were little. I'm here for beating up the other weaklings in the dojo with my bokkens and you're here for smoking when you were 8. No surpise there… And what was that about I'm a hot...?" he raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"Oh, shut up!" Sanji blushed slightly, "I was going to say hot-headed idiot! Besides, this book is stupid. I'll get our name off the naughty list." He removed his cigarette and flicked it onto the book. Moments later, the book burst into flames.

"Well, that fixed it," Zoro concluded, staring at the flaming book. That was when everything else caught on fire.

"Dang it!" Sanji growled, stomping on the flames as Zoro watched, chuckling. Giving up, he followed Zoro out of the room.

"We should probably get the others," Zoro growled, "seeing as you set the place on fire."

"It's his fault for making his house out of wood!" he ran ahead, leading the way easily back to the crew.

"Come on! Gotta go!" Zoro grabbed Luffy and the others taking the hint, followed quickly.

"Thanks for the tour and the hot chocolate!" Nami called back to Santa, who was simply staring after them in confusion. Then, he turned around as the fire showed, racing through the workshop.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" Santa yelled, turning and glaring angrily at them. As they raced out of the closest exit, he continued, "AND I'm PUTTING YOU ALL ON THE NAUGHTY LIST!"

Sanji looked at Zoro and they both burst into raucous laughter. This was probably their funniest adventure yet. Then, Zoro whirled around and touched a light kiss to Sanji's lips.

"What was that?" he flushed slightly and stared at the swordsman in surprise, who flashed him a grin as the others gawked at them.

"There was mistletoe over the door," Zoro grinned. Sanji glared at him.

"No there wasn't!"

"Ah well. Next time, there will be!" Zoro laughed at him and raced away as with a yell of mock anger, Sanji surged after him on his long legs. The South Pole really was fun!


End file.
